Subject of the matter: TWERKING

Being the mating call of horny prepubescent girls, Twerking has swept the globe with it's unique style of showing everyone what a slut you can be while drunk (or not). Though teenage  girls might not understand that their crushes inability to grow facial hair determines the fact of how good they will be in bed, why is it that it's not only them who are embracing Twerking but just about everyone. While the phrase "Dry humping air" does not sound very appealing, well, that is all this so called dance is. A desperate cry to get the opposite (and not so opposite) sex's attention, while looking like a total prostitute all at the same time. 

WHAT I THINK I LOOK LIKE WHILE TWERKING:

WHAT I REALLY LOOK LIKE WHILE TWERKING:

Though the dance has been around since the early 90's, it all blew out of proportion when Miley Cyrus posted that stupid video of herself doing the infamous Twerk in a onesie, yes ONESIE, but why is it that people decide to put themselves in such a ridiculous position (literally)in order to get the wrong attention. I am no one to judge your reasoning, but please if you do decide to prance around like a low class stripper, please make sure you don't do it at family gatherings, Bar Mitzvahs, the old folks home and yes my favorite one SCHOOL. So if you don't want to be on the path of teenage pregnancy or even someones next booty call, I suggest you dont do it at all.

Though fun to do while while drunk with your closest friends and maybe, just maybe while in your room trying to get a good workout, Twerking is not going to make your crush want to marry you instantly, but most likely want to fuck you and never see your face again. Sorry to break it to you, but these are the facts of life, the awful truth to say the least. So if you're doing it to be funny and have a blast with your friends, go ahead and Twerk your ass off, but if  you are trying to get everyones attention and finding ecstasy on being a complete slut and are bombarding the internet with your dry humping vines well then you must be dumb as fuck to not realize where this is going to get you. 

Since when is "shaking your ass in a sexual manner" synonym for dancing? What happened to the good old days of ballet and the Macarena? Well, as society gets dumber everyday, our tendencies reflect our actions hence the birth of Twerking (Also auto-tune, Pitbull, hashtags on Facebook and so on), but please if you want the world to take you seriously, don't take the dance seriously and use it as form of self expression on a night out with your friends and not as a form of getting LAID. I personally can Twerk like no one I've seen before guessing it's in my blood because I am Latina, but with great power comes great responsibility, as uncle ben once said, and I know the right time and place to use my powers and so should you.

So basically all I am trying to say here is TWERK LIKE A PRINCESS AND NOT LIKE A DUMB HOE!

Something to chew on ( 08/07/2013)

Album review:
Battle born
Artist: The Killers

Thus being my favorite band making me cry myself to sleep in a fetal position every night and tattooing their lyrics on my fragile body, I can't say that this is my favorite work to date. After working with 5 A-list producers like Daniel Lanois and Brendan O'Brien, The killers have delivered an album that regardless of being strong and cohesive, makes me feel like like I'm cruising around the Vegas strip while having an 80's-Springsteen overdose making me crash into the Mojave desert.

Though quite unique for it's day and age and packed with strong lyrics, The Killers left the simplicity of their 2004 hit single "Mr. Brightside" and embarked on a new journey of massive production. With a stadium rock feel and a power that hits you like a raging bull or their famous "Bolt" that might be a little hard to swallow all at once. Personally liking more simple and soft yet edgy melodies like "For reasons unknown" off their second album "Sam's Town" or their very popular "Jenny was a friend of mine" from their first album "Hot Fuss"  and their so called "murder trilogy" This album left me with a little bit of a Synth overload.

But I am no one to blame the foursome for wanting to make something much different than what we usually hear from them. With a much mature sound and an older audience of course, that has grown with them in the last 10 years, TK outdid themselves but might have gone a little overboard making them sound like they were trying too hard on their 4th studio album. Very much similar though to "Hot Fuss" with it's strong synth and upbeat melodies, It is a little bit more softer and literal with it's lyrics yet the power chords and rave-like beats (which are sometimes a little too much) take it to a completely different level. Could it be that their 4 year hiatus left them a little dry hence the fact that it took them longer than any of their previous albums to make, or the before mentioned fact that they used 5 different producers, that is giving them a sound of overproduced greatness. The answer is not certain but regardless of their melodic makeover, It is still one hell of a record!

With songs like "Runaways" where Brandon Flowers's voice will knock you right off your feet being bigger, better and louder than ever or "Here with me" their first and only ballad, this record will blow your brains out as it hits you  with guitarist Dave Keuning's Robert Plant-like chords. While the  song "Miss atomic bomb" softens up my inexistent heart reminding me of my ex, songs like "Battle Born" and "Flesh and bone" will make you want to be greater than life as you raise your fist chanting their powerful lyrics in the middle of a giant crowd (similar to the effects of "All these things that I've done"). "From here on out" will leave you shock and asking when did The Killers go country? and "Heart of a girl" similar to Dire straits "Romeo and Juliet" will make you want to find that special someone ASAP!

Regardless of the album not being my favorite and a little hard to swallow like mentioned before, you do warm up to it after a listen or two. You can't blame Brandon, Ronnie, Mark and dave for trying to aspire greatness with this new album. If they wanted to have a greater than life stadium rock sound to them, well they have definitely achieved it! Might it be that just like Mr.Flowers, I believe that "Sam's Town" is the greatest album of the past 20 years and that is holding me back on accepting such change. No matter the circumstance I stand right behind them and give them 4 out of five stars on their new album that has even given them a greater chance of showmanship on their tour and made them sell out wembley with a crowd of 90,000 making me look forward to my 4th Killer's concert next week! So if you haven't heard it then what are you waiting for? It's been out for a year! Enjoy.

Link to full album below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcFmgnxyJ4c

Urban Outfitters: Why I hate to love you so much!

It's no secret that Urban Outfitters is the quintessential watering hole for pretentious hipsters, but why is it that regardless of knowing their high end prices, ridiculous novelties and overpriced items, we still love to shop here? There is no wrong or right answer, but what I do know  is that they must be doing something right. With over 400 locations around the globe, it's the biggest retail brand in the world. Could it be their customers inferiority complex and need to have everything mustache and cat related what's making them shop compulsively here? hence their massive amount of sales and popularity. Though quite original and "hip" to say the least, UO has been making people want to be cooler than everybody else since the early 70's. Regardless of having some pretty cool shit, beautiful and unique clothes and being able to relate to their shoppers in an "emotional level" as they describe, some of their items are so ridiculous that only a 20 year old with millions of dollars in their bank account would buy them (which I doubt there are many out there). So I took the time to go to my local Urban store and browsed around for a bit in order to prove my point. Though tempted to buy everything and lured by their items like a sirens song and flirt with every guy that I saw (which I do every time I go there) I did not as I am trying this new thing called being a responsible adult. Here are some Items I found at the hipster mecca that like everything else this "Expensive thrift store" as I like too call it, has to offer is overpriced yet charming.

ITEM #1

$18.00

Do you really think Think I need a FLASK that says "fuck my liver" ? Think about it, Im 21 years old, I get shitfaced on a regular basis, I don't need to carry alcohol with me when I am drunk 75% of the time, I even wake up drunk from so many shots on the previous night. Instead of helping me get out of my path to premature alcoholism all you are doing is encouraging it. Shame on you urban outfitters for making me want to look cool in the most negative way possible, and seriously WHO THE FUCK CARRIES A FLASK AROUND! And don't get me started on the price and the waste of money it would be to get this.

ITEM #2

$12.92

Very cute urban, trying to make me spend those 13 dollars I could use on a very much needed new pair of underwear (from Walmart of course) and maybe, just maybe a cup of coffee on a funny ass book with an awesome cat on it. Well you're not getting the best of me because I don't even have a coffee table to put this shit on! But if money grew on trees, I would buy it regardless of the fact that I don't have that coffee table where everyone would see it.

ITEM #3

$14.00

Where do I even start with this? Similar to the antiques found in your grandmothers china cabinet, this beautiful blue unicorn has absolutely NOTHING to offer, except maybe a cool story about how you obtained it and showing off to your friends because your home decor is so "unique".

ITEM #4

$18.00

Similar to an art project my 3 year old sister would do at daycare, this playful baggie has absolutely nothing and everything to offer all at the same time. Made in a sweatshop somewhere in china for only 20 cents, you will be paying so much more than what it's worth! So if you want to go out and get everyones attention (most likely the wrong attention)and spend 90 times it's worth with money you don't have, go right ahead and buy this lovely goodie!

ITEM #5

$20.00

I am very well aware of the fact of how idiotic this looks, and how I will most likely never wear it, but the cuteness and "originality" is unbearable. On the other hand I could conjure up a slutty cat costume for this coming Halloween.

ITEM #5

$15.00

What adult on their right mind would wear this? We get it, a regular watch is too "Mainstream" for you, but this is just a little bit too much.

ITEM #7

(PERSONAL FAVORITE)

$20.00

If your inner "Too kool 4 skool" self has not gotten the best of you yet, well I got just the perfect thing for it, A JAR OF DIRT! Yes ladies and gentleman, instead of using those 20 dollars you could spend paying off this month's cellphone bill, go straight ahead and and buy this magnificent creation. A glass jar equipped with a Ziploc baggie full of dirt (YES,REAL DIRT!) and plastic figurines you could get for 25 cents at your local toy vending machine, This item is sure to NOT make your life any less miserable than it already is. So if your pretentious self wants show off it's creative side then this is just what you've been looking for.

Without trying to bash Urban Outfitters and more like trying to make you conscious of your selfless stupidity as you try to be cool with some ironic humor, think twice before you compulsively buy a $50.00 beanie or a useless (but cute) coffee table book in search of your true self. Regardless of their Overpriced crap and useless mustache paraphernalia, UO sales probably the coolest stuff around and I will continue shopping there (and yes you too) regardless of how useless but AWESOME their stuff is hence why I hate to love it so much.

If still interested on wasting your money in a responsible manner  here is their site. STAY COOL! 

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/index.jsp

Young and broke: LUNCHTIME

With nothing but $466.67 in my bank account and 13 dollars in my wallet, Im always trying to conjure up mischievous ways of saving some cash. As if living with my parents wasn't enough, I still don't wish to miss out on first world comforts and necessities like food, water and alcohol. Things that are a must in my generation are harder to get when you're young and broke. Being pretty and having a part time at american apparel won't cut it anymore, you have to be wiser in the cycle of life nowadays. Here are some personal cheats on how I skip right through those first world problems I encounter everyday. This is LUNCHTIME.

1) THE FOOD COURT:

Working near or at the mall can really cut you some slack. Instead of spending those ten dollars you could use on cranberry and vodka and a beer friday night on that iced coffee from Starbucks and California rolls from some cheap sushi stand, just walk around you'll be amazed by the goodies you'll find. Believe it or not, those free samples can turn buffet if you walk around long enough.

2)COSTCO:

Don't work near or at the mall? no worries, there is always a Costco in every corner. The amount of free samples they give out is ridiculous. You could basically feed 200 french models with one visit there, and though "shredded crab spread" might not sound too convincing, Baklava and and hot wings are just around the corner. The best part is, it's free!

3) WHO NEEDS MEAT? :

Well here is your chance to show the world you care. DROP MEAT! Just think about it, you don't really need it, All it's doing is burning a hole in your pocket. The amount of money you'll be saving is exorbitant and you'll be looking healthy and at the same time you'll be able to pay off that college loan and maybe, just maybe getting shitfaced and buying drinks for everyone at the bar at least once a month. grow a garden, go vegan, do something for the environment and yourself, but don't get carried away with it!

4)HEEEEY MOM! :

Here is the perfect excuse to visit your parents as much as you can. Drop in every now and then and be on your best behavior, knowing your parents they will most likely want to have lunch, and will you turn it down? of course not! Eat up while you can and always, ALWAYS take the leftovers home with you, use them as next day's lunch, and if they're good enough, instead of taking that special someone out to lunch have dinner at home and brag about how hard you've worked on that meal you've specially made for them.

5)RAMEN NOODLES AND WATER DIET:

It's no secret that Ramen noodles is every college kid's favorite and well water is completely FREE, but when you want to save up as much as possible for that backpacking trip you and your bestie will be taking by the end of the year you must go to extreme measures. Just live on a strict diet of Ramen noodles and water, which of course is free. If you don't mind the heartburn and the occasional bowel movement, then this is the path for you. In no time you'll be in 

Argentina having one night stands, drinking Quilmes and not remembering what happened last night!

So if you're in your twenties and most likely broke as I am, trying to make it everyday without losing the mere sense of living, At least take some of my life advice. I sure wish I would have taken some advice long ago. Enjoy!

MAN CRUSH MONDAY!

A big bouquet of FLOWERS:

With the voice of an angel and lyrics that would sweep any girl off her feet, Brandon Flowers, frontman of "The Killers" is way more than a poetic soul and an amazing musician, but one fine piece of ass!

With dreamy hazel eyes, a chiseled jaw, Biceps that could lift you like a baby, a laugh that makes teenage girls cringe in their panties and teeth that are the perfect example of fine american dentistry, what girl (or guy) could resist such charm? Definitely not me. Mr.flowers raised my standards for men meaning I will most likely die alone in search of true perfection.

And though widely criticized for his religious believes(Yes, he is a mormon)and even confronted and insulted to say the least publicly ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjwsG36XTZ8 ) and his "diva like" antics (BRANDIVA!), he will still be number one in my book. Though a last name like "Flowers" is not too Rock 'n' Roll and his tight Bowie-esque outfits and pink leather jackets might leave you thinking for a minute or two about his sexual preferences, do not be fooled he is happily married and has 3 children, sorry to break it to you ladies (and gentleman) But look at the bright side  He might convert into a polygamist mormon  and you might just be the lucky one. I know i'll be first in line for that.

In the end it's just another silly crush, fangirling perhaps, then I realize how perfect and beautiful this man is and how blind I would be not to realize how perfect his face is. If Brandon Flowers is not making you tingle in distant places or giving you butterflies like that teenage girl who's heart has never been broken, then there is something  out of it's place inside that little head of yours.

But seriously, look at him, now look at your man and let that sink in.

VOTE FOR BRANDON FLOWERS AS SEXIEST MAN ALIVE:
http://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/celebrity/sexiest-men/sexiest-men-voting

It's not entirely your fault

Ever wonder why you have that one ex who wont speak to you? Or maybe even several of them. The typical unfriend, unfollow and block. Well cheer up it might not entirely be all your fault! You might just be able to get away with 50% of the blame.

After much thought and analyzing this predicament of life, I've come up with four different variables to this situation. wether several or just one ex the result is always the same, for him/her to know and for you to find out.So hopefully this brings closure to that "what the fuck did I do" thats always been in the back of your mind and maybe, just maybe, you are after all a crazy bitch (or asshole).

1) He/she feels extremely shitty that they dumped you and are too ashamed to ever face you again.
aahh yes! the shame, the guilty conscience, the embarrassment of having to face you because they broke your heart. What could be worse than having to face you! After all guilt is a small price to pay for the uncertainty you will have to face the rest of your life . should it really even matter, its just another heartbreak for your loyalty rewards program on getting hurt.

2)He/she never loved you.
By far the coldest trick in the book. The "I love you" in exchange of some tongue action and if they hit the motherload (and you're easy) you'll be practicing baby making in no time. They block you hoping you don't spam their wall begging them to come back. So at the end, you end up like and idiot thinking you'll be lonely forever until you finally realize you were only pretending to be happy and move on.

3)Too fast, too soon.
Maybe pushing them around is not the best idea, telling him that you are "wifey material" might not be the brightest thing to say after the first date. Congratulations not only have you scared the living hell out of them but you have managed to make the word commitment their biggest phobia. Their only resource left is to block you and run as fast as they can hoping that you don't end up at their doorstep telling them to put a ring on it. So next time someone comes around take a chill pill or two, a Xanax or Prozac whatever works for you.

4) CRAZY PSYCHOPATH OVERLY ATTACHED STALKER
pretty self explanatory, need I say more? (you really should be ashamed of yourself though).

So at the end it might not entirely be your fault or maybe it is, whatever the reason just move on, there is plenty of fish in the sea!

PS: If the last one does apply, you will most likely die alone.

Something to chew on.

Album review:
Modern Vampires Of The City
Artist: Vampire Weekend 

Wether mesmerized by Ezra Koenig's charming looks, fangirling over drummer Chris Tomson's grizzly beard or even if you are that wannabe hipster trying to acquire a unique musical taste, all reasons will become irrelevant once you listen to this eccentric masterpiece. Vampire weekend's third album has proven to be even more electrifying than the previous two, like wine, they get even better as the years go by. Though quite different and darker (living up to their name) without losing their so called "upper west side Soweto" sound and eclectic rhythm  this album raises the bar with even more complex lyrics and melodies. Accompanied by choirs  synths, tubas, organs and even sound effects. This album is their most progressive and profound work to date. Though Koenig's lyrics are still unusual and hard to comprehend, they are catchy and quite wise if I may say. So don't be surprised if by the end of "Diane Young" (a very literal play on words) you'll be singing "baby, baby, baby"  for a whole month to the point where your co-workers can't stand you anymore. Lyrics like "Age is an honor but it's not the truth" in the song "Ya Hey" have led me to believe that this man is not only a great writer but a poet in all it's sense. There is  something for everyone in this album (Well not everyone, only for those with good musical taste) from a more tranquil and simple sound in young lion to an easy-listening melody like hannah hunt or an upbeat and edgier sound like the before mentioned (and personal favorite) Diane Young and to what I like to call a tribute to Mumford And Sons and the current mainstream folk with their track " Worship you" VW has stayed true to themselves and have fully delivered to their fans bringing life and adding a soundtrack to the dark rainy winter streets of NYC with their melodic tunes, originality and the hot Soweto sun. There is absolutely no one out there that sounds like them ( A band from heaven to say the least) Two thumbs up for these four! So go out there and buy the album now, It might just cheer up your shitty day (or life) and if it doesn't I will refund your money (not really Im broke) Enjoy!

Link to full album:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb3fSt_SkY4&list=PLH7uDKPdDrzjvMBhYC4k-gVhZm9lPYbZ1

Link to "Diane young" official video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG6lTQNW04I